.. ..

Working.  Because life never ends,


Lying.  As if trying to pretend,


Waiting.  Because God will never send,


Trying.  As if I've found myself.  But here I am.  

Back again. 


Night. 

Not so black, but just enough light.

To see the room around me all right. 

No scary stories or even white ghosts.

Just remembering memories that stick out the most.

Faces, friends, family and them,

Coming to visit my mind once again,

Could have's, would have's, might be, should be

Didn't, couldn't, don't torment me

Feelings, sighs, broken ties

Promises disappear through curtains of lies

No.

No, not lies. 

I didn't say anything.
 I didn't open my mouth.

I didn't say a thing,
to put them past doubt.

How can you lie? 
Without speaking a word?

How can you try?
When you just don't deserve,

The credibility, nor honor or fame
That springs up with memory
I never remain
Inside the brains of the ones which I name
But I can't call them friends--when they call me insane.

Change.

The range of these deranged thoughts terrify me.

Like small spiders and snakes--for God's sake, give me some pills I can take.

Calm this blood rushing through small channels,
clotting the judgement that sits at this panel--
 I'm losing it now like a locked-away animal--
With nothing to feed on, I've slowly turned Cannibal

That feasts on my flesh, with self mutilation
With blood dripping up with every vibration
I'm perfectly fine with this new sensation
It's only a thought--without hesitation----

Stop.


My eyes open.

Eyes stinging, ears ringing. 
I'm still here.

Yes.  I'm still here.

I guess I haven't fallen asleep yet.