I'm thinking too much, aren't I?
It's not enough to think about what to think about. It's not enough to think how I should think about my own process of thinking. It's not enough to question what priority of thought I should be considering over the next. If I've lost you already, then perhaps you might say:
Why, yes Kid Will, perhaps you should shut that brain to rest.
But how can I do so? I have so many questions. But that is where my journey starts. With a question.
I love it when I hear little kids ask questions.
Is that creepy?
A bit--
But really. I've realized that the only solid distinction between an intelligent person and a stupid person is by varying lines of curiosity. An intelligent person wonders why his faucet is dripping. Checks it out. Figures it out through questions.
"What is that noise I'm hearing?"
"Why is my faucet doing that?"
"Why aren't all faucets dripping?"
"Can I correct it myself?"
"Where does this pipe lead to?"
"Is it cracked?"
"Will this tape do the trick?"
You see, I realize that there cannot be answers, without questions.
"Ask and you shall receive"
That's a bible quote, but now that it's written down--I realize even further that this applies to all things. When someone wants to start a business, they begin with a series of inquiries such as:
"HOW THE FUCK DO I START A BUSINESS?"
"Who can I ask?"
"What kind of risks does it involve?"
"How much money can I put into it's start-up?"
Then, they go from there. Now let's exhibit a stupid person.
*Drip Drip Drip*
*Doesn't know what it is. Doesn't care.*
"How do I start a business? Hmmm...I don't know."
I can begin to hate those words "I don't know." I've discovered that they are useless many a time. The better answer is: "Let's find out."
"Hey Bill, how many cylinders does your engine have?"
"I don't know."
Congratulations Bill, you've learned nothing. Provided that Bill does nothing to figure it out of course. I've learned that there is NOTHING worse than apathy. The fruits of this life are given to those who care. Those who care, are naturally curious. Those who are curious ask questions. Those who ask questions find answers. Those who find answers succeed and live a good life.
It's a full circle of positive energy, and it starts with accepting life's challenges and taking action on your own accord.
Wow Kid Will, congrats on your enlightenment.
But I have only begun!
Recently I discovered that all that extra weight I gained in a week (as you recall, I am trying to gain weight) was mostly water weight and more or less likely excess fat. I gained 4 pounds, I lost 3 pounds. It was a roller coaster of weight gain and weight loss, all through a handful of days that I ate and ate and ate and worked out on. In result from recent research, I've discovered that healthy muscle mass gain should approximate to about a pound a week.
Upon reading this I felt, to put it blatantly, like a fucking dumb ass.
...That's your enlightenment? Feeling like a dumbass?
Indeed! Because I realize that when you feel like a dumbass, you have gained the proper knowledge to realize how dumb you've been. Think about it. Those times you really fucked up. And then you felt like a dumbass. But now you can say "yea, I acted pretty stupidly" because you realize the truth and figured out how you should have acted in retrospect (that means after it happened you silly illiterate reader, you). Do really stupid people know how really stupid they are? Of course not! But I, after realizing how stupid I've been approaching my weight gain plan, discovered the truth of the matter. Only now have I truly grasped the quote:
"The smarter we get, the dumber we realize we truly are."
But this is what bothers me. This is why I think so much. This is why I am worried.
When I was really little, I would call people names. I would hurt the feelings of my peers. I wouldn't clean up my mess. I resented the luxuries I had. But that is because--you guessed it--I was a dumbass. But now, I've realized the wrongs. Now I realize that the peanut of my brain just didn't have the perspective, nor the grasp of ethics I have now. But that is all basic--we all know that.
Kid Will, this is pointless. I know right from wrong. I know I should be clean--I know I should be grateful. Why the big deal?
Because, dear reader, everything is relevant to everything.
What the fu--
Indeed, it is another theory of my own, but I will save a deeper explanation in another blog, and explain it's correspondence in this topic. Now that we think we have grown "smarter" since our little mishaps, things have grown more complex than you think. Let me illustrate by example.
My father worked hard for months and months in his youth, saved up, and bought his first mustang.
Congrats dad, your first car.
Too bad he didn't know shit about cars and got a terrible deal--a high price for a shitty car.
He didn't know. But he didn't know that he didn't know. It was a dark corner of consideration he didn't know existed until he realized that it bore such negative consequences. You see, these dark corners are everywhere. Life isn't just a labyrinth. Life is a labyrinth within a series of labyrinths, of dark corridors we haven't even thought would exist in this maze until we are free from their darkness and can look back on it in a light we have developed and grown to understand.
I realize that I am in a perpetual state of stupidity, else I discover why I am in stupidity. That's right, you read that correctly. I will remain ignorant, until I realize how exactly I am ignorant, and by then I will have reached enlightenment. The thing is...how am I stupid? ...I don't know.
I don't know what I don't know.
But my mind aches to discover how, why, and what.
And the questions of 'when' haunts my mind literally every day.
It's all in retrospect that we understand it. Until after we've gone through it the hard way. But my mind wont let it rest at that--now that I know that even now I am in such a vulnerable, feeble, gullible, ignorant mind. Am I living life inefficiently? Should I be jumping on Mutual Funds while I still can? Should I be discovering alternate ways to break into the entertainment industry? Do I waste my time with music? Am I making the necessary preparations to ensure a successful, prosperous future? Or will Future Will look back and say: "Fuck, I should have done this..." Because that's how it always is for me. I paid too much for a shitty amp. I took a good friend for granted. I unintentionally hurt someone with my lack of sensitivity, I should have joined a sport earlier, I should have joined more clubs, I should have taken more AP classes, I should have taken school more seriously, I should have started all this shit earlier, I should have done this, that, everything that I should have done. Inside, I want to be close to perfect. I want to be efficient. I want to develop my mentality to a swift, able current. I want to develop my soul enough to finally reach enlightenment, understand who I am, what makes everything work, why, and become just--better than I am now.
But why do I care so much about bettering myself?
When can I begin to understand my place and take the necessary precautions from there?
Even now do I waste time and effort into taking these things in consideration?
What should I...do?
Now that the universe has received these questions; I am bound to receive the answers.
But when?
...ah, another question.
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