Fenris! Beyond This Alcove;

I was trying to find my old article for Government when I stumbled upon a file labeled:

'As Grim As Christmas.'

I have no recollection as to why, or when I wrote it...but I've decided to post it solely for the

Fuck of It.

What goes through my mind when someone starts to rise to stardom before my very eyes?

What goes through my mind when I see someone beautiful and talented, with no trace of falsehood or lies?

Could I possibly express what kind of mixed emotion brews within a heart of an ambitious spirit?

Come, useless enamor, leave this black room.

Brighten my enthusiasm, the world crumbles to restart again; to redefine its measurements and values to everyone, everything and the medium through which I create the world dilates to the point of no return—to the point where the dull melds to beauty; where sin is forgiven, and where love is in the very air you breathe.

The voices and sights are unworldly.

Bring up your heart, wake up, and find yourself in paradise; the very scene you were seeking in the first place was well within your heart. That is where God had hidden it; yes, man’s last place to trek in their venture towards happiness, a better tomorrow, a life of promise.

Yet, what feeling stirs in such an occasion? Is it jealousy?—Envy? No. It must be something greater, something beyond what such terms could define. It is a benevolent feeling altogether with strings strung from above in a taunt from the outer reaches of what I cannot yet see. Alas, coming up from the peak of Earth’s worldly turn I sense the light from my adventure, my time to finally take the deep breath and to plunge into the bottomless sea of unknown; to finally discover that beneath the surface, beyond the truth of what I know myself to be, I may breathe easier. Beneath those depths is an Atlantis to discover.

I am in love with no one--simply the concept.

My infatuation does not exist, simply a thought to-be.

What goes beyond wishing? What goes beyond hoping and dreaming for something magnificent to happen in your life? A time where you’re through with being through, and don’t know where to turn to. When the cities, despite their busy streets and bright sights couldn’t be anymore as black as these eyes and in the mind that can’t decipher what’s there and what’s not. Yes, a life that has lacked the means to live on. I want to fight such an outcome, such a plague of mind that intoxicates my voice into believing itself when it says “I’ll never make it or I’m not good enough.” Self doubt is for the dead. Why question your very means of questioning? Forget regret, and let’s run towards the sunset, I’m sure either way, the nothingness that clouds our incentives will turn into something. For the purpose in this life is to give this life purpose. For the purpose that is aligned with that of no one.

Tell me it’s not over. Tell me we haven’t started yet, better- -tell me that I haven’t been born yet—for I am not prepared to convince myself that my time is done here. That everything seemingly so irrelevant has brought me to a place where I must simply stop and drop all that I am. I cannot be forced to stand against the tide and drown beneath the skeptics and the sorrows of this century.

The weight of this decision rests on my shoulders, nearly to the breaking point. It can be over anytime I want it to be, by simply pleading ignorance, ignoring what’s calling for me, to turn a blind eye towards the poet who predicted my destiny all along, with nothing but a look. I can’t understand the voice of the wind, nor the rustle of leaves that inhabit the branches of those beautiful autumn trees. I can’t resist staring at the stars and wonder who we are watched by. I cannot be alone. We cannot be alone. Love holds us together more than I’ve thought. All it takes to realize it is a spontaneous good deed, a friendly smile, the passion of a young voice. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done; you are the same within the eyes of love. Without it, we cannot step forward into the journey that eventually dissolves to darkness. For what are we to be lighted by?

What lights the way through life if not love?